Iranian State TV: Allah Actually Just Some Mean Old Bearded Dude Trying to Run Iran

In a stunning reversal of approach in reporting the daily news, Iranian State-run news channel, PressTV, announced today what many Iranians had figured out a couple of weeks ago: Allah is actually just some mean old bearded guy hanging out and running Iran.

Ayatollah Khamenei, aka "Allah"

According to PressTV, The lofty Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khamenei (aka "Allah"), who has proclaimed the recent and apparently rigged presidential election results a "divine assessment," often "works in mysterious ways frequently defying all rationalization and logic and has done so for 20 years."

"All this time I was wondering why Allah felt it necessary to shit all over me, like, every day of my life," the woman explained via e-mail to CNN. "I was like, 'Allah, why do you insist on shitting on me like this?' But now it all makes sense: it's just that angry old man who thinks he's God! Now I'm really pissed!