clipped from: www.somethingawful.com 
Dennis Rodman
Dude! The Worm! I saw him earlier but forgot virtually every relevant detail! In fact it might not have even been him! Still pretty cool, I guess.
Mel Gibson
Beastly is all I can say. Saw Mel chasing a goose through the park. He chased it into a pond, grabbed it by the neck, and just started biting into the helpless thing. Blood everywhere!
Paris Hilton
Saw the drama queen get into a spat with SNAKE WARZ director Jaume Collet-Serra. From what I overheard she was mad about a scene where she'd have to make out with a giant snake. Would love to be that snake!
Val Kilmer
Val called about 7pm last night trying to get me to sign up for the Albuquerque Journal, but I told him I got all my news from NPR. He seemed genuinely sad and I had to ask if he was "OK." He just hung up on me.