A  man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the  
preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned  
fine sermon. Damned  good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five  
thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The  preacher said, 'No shit?'

Brenda  and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel  
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather  
small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed  
him pancakes.  That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived  at breakfast, there was a large  
stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the  table.  'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,'  Brenda replied.  'The rest are for your father.'