clipped from: muzich.blogspot.com   
  • "The patient has been depressed ever since she began
    seeing me in 1993."



  • "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."



  • "The patient refused an autopsy."



  • "The patient has no past history of suicides."



  • "Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."



  • "Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."



  • "She is numb from her toes down."



  • "Patient was alert and unresponsive."



  • "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."



  • "She stated that she had been constipated for most of
    her life, until she got a divorce."



  • "The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."



  • "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."



  • "Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."



  • "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."



  • "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband
    states she was very hot in bed last night."



  • "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."



  • "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally
    alert but forgetful."