Things that Needed to be Said

"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms."

"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers. So people don't blame everything on Satan.'"

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."

"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."