Hey, you remember a couple of days ago when Michael Scheuer appeared on the "Glenn Beck Whirligig Of Freakjuice" to talk about border security, and he said that "the only chance we have as a country right now is for Osama bin Laden to deploy and detonate a major weapon in the United States." And then Glenn Beck was all up inside Osama bin Laden's head like he was the star of "CSI: Methamphetaminetown," gravely noting, "Which is why I was thinking this weekend if I were him, that would be the last thing I would do right now."

Remember that? Well, I think we can all say that reasoned discourse was perfected that day. I think the next time I see someone on the streets caught out in the rain, I'm just going to march up to them and yell, "What's it going to take, jerkface? Another HURRICANE KATRINA? Before you remember your fracking umbrella?"