clipped from: www.keithwhite.us   

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim,

I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the
pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up
real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.

Cooter