How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.