Strange Things Afoot

Warning! Physicists at Princeton's Institute for Advanced Studiousness have discovered a sudden increase in gravity concurrent with the nearer phase of the Earth's elliptical path around our Sun. They believe this heightened gravity explains a sharply increasing incidence of the following alarming phenomena, which if observed should be reported to your local law enforcement or physics department immediately:

1) Clothes falling to the floor. Shoes and trousers are often the first to go, but bras may display a disturbing propensity to fall out of shirtsleeves as the Earth speeds closer and closer to the Sun.

2) Cats falling to the pavement. All household animals may seem louder during this time of peak gravity, but cats in particular will beg to be thrown promptly out the window during the heat of this rare solar event.